


Sunflowers still grows at night

by weedfictive



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Depression, Drugs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, ooc probably, sorry for it being rushed i didnt plan on Evan being in this fic but i couldnt not add him i guess, weed lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 18:49:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weedfictive/pseuds/weedfictive
Summary: Connor is depressed. Evan and weed is all he needs.





	Sunflowers still grows at night

Connor sat up, legs crossed and shoulders hunched. He shook his head to get the hair that was getting too close for comfort near his eyes out of his face. He could already tell today was a “well fuck, I’m super fucking depressed and honestly, I’d rather die than do literally anything”. He unlocked his phone and tapped on the iMessage icon, wanting to ask Evan if he had wanted to come over.

**To: Evan  
From: Connor**

***guess who wants to die again come over lol**

... Hm. Probably not… the best way to text someone who had anxiety and always thought about the worst possible outcomes. He deleted the sentence and began typing again.

**To: Evan  
From: Connor**

***do you wanna come over or something? i’m not feeling the best and i wanna ride it out with someone i like**

No, no, no. That was like confessing his stupid crush on his best friend. He read the message again and again, seeing if he could adjust it to make it seem like he didn’t have a crush on Evan, even though he really did. Maybe if he added an “actually” in it...

**To: Evan  
From: Connor**

***do you wanna come over or something? i’m not feeling the best and i wanna ride it out with someone i actually like lol**

Good enough. Connor tapped on the arrow and laid back down, waiting for a response. … Maybe… he should just send a quick “nvm”. It seemed like he was relying on Evan to keep him stable, which he wasn’t. Not all the time anyway. Connor knew having pressure and stress forced on you fucking sucked, especially when the person forcing it on you did it with a “I’m suicidal and I dunno when I’m gonna kill myself but it’ll be soon”. 

He never said those exact words or any words similar to that. It was normally just “today is really not a good day, wanna come over and hang out in my backyard while I decide whether or not to get out my bong?”  
He knew those two were extremely different but it still felt the same. He really really really didn’t want to somehow traumatize Evan with his suicidal ass, if he hasn’t already on the day they met. 

Connor looked over to his desk that held a pair of barely rusty scissors and got an urge he felt he hadn’t gotten in awhile, when in reality it was only last two days ago. Due to him wanting to get better and heal and move on from all the bullshit, he gave his mom everything he had used to harm himself in the past. He still felt guilty when he saw the broken, disappointed, “I failed as a mother, I’m sorry I never did anything sooner” look he got. 

He stared and stared at it, zoning out for a few minutes until he heard a loud ‘ding’ come from his phone.

**From: Evan  
To: Connor**

***Yeah I’ll be there in a sec  
*Sorry for replying late I was finishing the essays rough draft**

Ah, right. The English class he’s in was assigned a four-page essay. He forgot to find some resources and write a rough draft. Whatever. Almost 10, maybe 15, minutes later, he heard a knock at the front door. Connor sighed while he knew he shouldn’t since he did invite Evan, but he didn’t feel like walking out of his room, going down the stairs, walking all the way to the front door, opening it, stepping to the side to let his friend in, walk back to the stairs, and go back up to his room. Which is exactly what he did anyway. 

He went back to lay down on his bed when he noticed Evan just kinda standing there. “You alright, dude?”

“Yeah! I- I just didn’t know whether or not we were gonna stay in here or go to your backyard. I’m not trying to say your room smells or anything, that’s just what we normally do and- uh, yeah.” 

Connor chuckled slightly and patted the free space on the bed next to him. “I don’t feel like doing anything or going anywhere today-” He was about to continue with a, “I’ll probably just sleep or something” and realized, what was the point of inviting Evan if they weren’t gonna do anything together? Didn’t think this one through properly, huh, Connor? You absolute dumb fucking ass. 

He continued, “but like, we can do whatever you want. Watch a movie, go outside, whatever.” Doing something might be better than staying inside a dark room with a pair of rusty scissors he felt he was about to use had it not been for the startling sound from his phone. 

“Ah, well, uh, we can just chill in your room and watch Netflix and maybe use the bong for a quick second.” Connor guessed it wasn’t a good day for Evan, either, since the only time Evan seems to want to smoke is when he’s feeling like total and utter shit. 

“Uh, yeah, the bong and a Ziploc bag full of some weed under the shirt near my desk. I’ll put Netflix on and get the lighter.” Truthfully, he was thankful to his parents for letting him keep the weed. Well, they either somehow forgot or let him keep it and he was choosing to think they let him keep it. 

Connor quickly got the lighter that was beneath his pillow (if Evan had seen, he might’ve called it a fire hazard or something, haha) and had brought up and opened the Apple laptop lying next to his bed. Looking through Netflix’s… amazing… lists of choices, he waited and just decided to wait for Evan and not get worked up over how Netflix barely has anything good anymore, like what the fuck? He’s paying for this shit, so why isn’t there more, better choices? He honestly wants to die even more looking at all the dumb-looking titles, clenching his jaw and grinding his teeth and- wasn’t the whole point of the, what he wants to call, Netflix and Chill session supposed to be about chilling? 

Don’t get him wrong, he knows what it really means, but god fucking damnit if he doesn’t want to just relax for a fucking minute or two. 

He didn’t really have to wait long for Evan to come and sit on the bed, truthfully it had only been 46 seconds or something, and give him the Ziploc and bong.  
“Take the computer, it’s pissing me off. Anyway, do you want me to turn on the lighter for you again?” Connor felt a little bad asking, not wanting it to seem like a burden on him. He was fine with lighting the lighter, loved it a little even.

Evan nodded, apologizing quietly while he focused on finding something funny and not stressful. 3 minutes pass and he ended up clicking on Parks and Rec, which was a little stressful but it was all in good fun.  
Connor had already gotten shit prepped, all he had to do now was smoke and do whatever he wanted.

He lit the lighter next to the pipe and breathed in, making sure his dealer had given him the usual. Hold for a second or two and… breathe out.

He felt calmer already but reminded himself that Evan was there and he had wanted some too.  
He put the bong near Evan, ready to light it up. “Just nod when you’re ready.”  
Evan nodded and Connor turned the lighter on a second after.

With both of them high off their asses and getting the munchies, Connor had just decided to get it off his chest. The whole.. crush.. thing. “I really like you, haha.”

Evan was quiet for a little bit and Connor took it as rejection but ultimately was fine with it, since as long as they got to still be friends then he would be alright. Probably. 

Connor felt Evan lean into him a little bit more and his heart and stomach hurt a little because leaning is good, right? That’s a good sign probably? 

“I really like you too.” 

“...Cool.” 

They both smiled, held each others hand and didn’t let go until later that night.

**Author's Note:**

> haha i dont know shit. first fic on ao3, give me constructive criticism if you can or just tell me if you liked it, thanks, also tell me if connor seems too nice cause i can write another fic and make him a dumb asshole


End file.
